WASHINGTON, DC -
In a private Rose Garden ceremony today, President Bush signed into law his heralded "Leave No Hummer Behind Bill." Following months of intense Capitol Hill lobbying, the Bush administration was finally able to secure a $100,000 tax deduction for Hummers and the other largest gas-guzzlers on the road as part of his "economic stimulus" package.

"In these times of uncertainty, we need to make sure that no Hummer is ever left behind," said President Bush. "My administration is committed to putting more of these gas-guzzling monsters on the road."

At the signing, President Bush was flanked by two Hummers that will be helped under the new program. Bruno, the yellow Hummer H2 from Scarsdale, NY, and Arnold, the teal Hummer H1 from Grosse Pointe, MI, portrayed the poignant need for this legislation. Both vehicles had been languishing on dealer lots for more than six months, with no potential buyers in sight. With the new assistance from the Bush administration, dealers feel confident that sticker shock will no longer be a problem. Despite the positive mood, a slight mishap occurred when President Bush went to hug the Hummers following the ceremony but was unable to get his arms around the hood.

Hummer dealers were elated following the ceremony. In a statement released by Hummer of Alaska, the dealership praised the Bush Administration for creating "a tax 'loophole' so big, you could drive a Hummer H2 though it!"